I remember the first time I visited Villa El Salvador, one of the largest urban slums surrounding Lima, Peru. The area was dotted with makeshift houses made of concrete, straw, and scrap metal. I lived a mere 15 minutes away, but in my neighborhood the houses had patio gardens, red tile roofs, and gated entrances. I was six years old and my family’s housemaid, Amelia, had invited us to her home for dinner. On her one day off each week, Amelia would return to her home in Villa El Salvador, which she shared with her daughter, parents, eight siblings, and their families. Her parents were indigenous farmers from the Andes that migrated to the capital in search of opportunity. Instead, like many other indigenous people in Peru, her family faced economic and social discrimination, pushing them to live in the shantytowns on the margins of the city.

Because I was adopted from Colombia and shared many of the same physical features with Amelia, I related to her and spent most of my time after school by her side. Amelia was like my second mother. Her stories and personal experiences have been catalysts for my passion for human rights – especially indigenous, minority rights. In college I found opportunities to learn more about human rights by joining the campus chapters of Amnesty International and Oxfam and becoming a board member of Advocates for Immigrants and Refugee Rights (AIRR). Upon graduation, I interned at MADRE, an international women’s rights organization based in New York. Researching peace building methods and writing program updates and grant applications during my internship allowed me to further develop critical thinking, analytical, and research skills. More importantly, however, it increased my understanding of the injustices many minorities face.

At the same time, the opportunity to travel to and live in many diverse countries growing up taught me the value of being able to speak other languages. This drove me to learn French and later to minor in Arabic at Florida State University. In 2011, I found the chance to continue studying Arabic in Morocco and live with a host family in the Fez Medina. While I was there, I witnessed police brutality directed towards hundreds of demonstrators demanding constitutional reform to bring more democracy to the country. I later earned a master’s in Middle East politics at the School of Oriental and African Studies (SOAS) to better understand the cross-cutting societal cleavages in the region that have reinforced that lack of representation and many long standing human rights abuses.

In addition, studying at SOAS taught me the way in which broad issues such as counterterrorism, politics, and economic development play a central role in international law. In my master’s thesis I examined the legal and political issues surrounding the use of extraordinary rendition and drones. By studying and living in the Middle East I have seen first-hand how governments have circumvented basic legal protections. I have also learned that the law is the best resource to defend human rights and seek redress.

Over the years, my experiences have prepared and inspired me to pursue a career in international human rights law. I want to bring attention to societal issues that have not been addressed and fight for victims of injustice. Human rights advocacy and assistance can take many forms. Whether it be conducting interviews, writing reports, or carrying out litigation, becoming a lawyer and fighting for someone’s human rights through the legal system provides a very tangible and permanent result. Attending law school will enable me to utilize societal and institutional skills in order to protect minority groups and assist those unable to protect themselves.

My Comments

This is a well-written personal statement with a fatal flaw: it simply narrates the author’s resume. Because the author tries to cover everything, she ends up covering nothing. For example, she writes of her internship at MADRE:

Researching peace building methods and writing program updates and grant applications during my internship allowed me to further develop critical thinking, analytical, and research skills. More importantly, however, it increased my understanding of the injustices many minorities face.

These assertions are too vague to be effective. If the author is to convince us that her internship increased her understanding of injustice, she’ll have to tell us what she experienced and how it taught her something.

Writing well requires restraint. The author should pick a single theme (more specific than human rights) and eliminate everything that doesn’t relate to that theme.